But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
