im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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