The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I could fuck to npr.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
