ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Who died my cat blue again?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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