Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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