im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
