I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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