all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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