a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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