I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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