You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
