It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
