Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Randomize
