this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
