Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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