and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
