my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize