Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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