its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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