So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
