no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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