How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
