You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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