sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
