Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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