He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
