I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
