I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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