the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
