He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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