after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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