You smell like a Billy Joel song
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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