remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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