you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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