I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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