Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
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Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
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Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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