i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
