my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
