She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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