He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
