she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
