; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
