she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
