I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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