You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
