I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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