Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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