That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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