I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
