I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
