I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
