apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize