have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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