The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick