just tell him i said nine months
no, he came in my armpit
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.