i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
