I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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