Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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