I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
