ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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