Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My liver just had a heart attack.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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