Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
