How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
