Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
