I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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