I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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