It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
