I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
