good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
