at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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