we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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