dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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