Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
