dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
