I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
